My Various Random Ramblings

1:25 – Pete and his dragon are still as annoying as ever. We’d really be happy if Elliot did his trick and actually stayed disappeared. The world would also be better if Pete just would hit puberty. But this is Disney World, no one ages and the children stay children even when they still shouldn’t be. Adults become children here too. Walt always wanted this, but I’m not sure he realized how childish the adults could become. When the adults get upset that Mickey has to take a cheese break or go home for the day and they won’t be able to get a picture with him *right* this second even though they had all day. Or they walk up to that one attraction that is the most important component of their entire trip, a minute after close on the last day of their trip. Priorities and logical thinking are irrelevant to children, the id rules all.
1:20 – Here come the dancers slash safety barriers. Only at Disney would the people who guard the massively large float be lit up in patriotic colors. The wing dancers are actually the emergency breaks and the graceful dancers can quickly break character and tackle a street headed child if needed. Now that the parade has ended, the real fun begins. It’s time for two-way.

Make sure you start with Part 1

1:45 – I see down the street in town square Shane is scampering towards the Christmas tree to flip it off. Everything is automated about the parade, to the windows on the street automatically cracking open so the soundtrack can be heard, yet the gigantic 50 foot Christmas tree in town square manually has to have it’s lights flipped off every parade. All the other lights in town square flip off, and I hear the electrosynthomagnetic electrical sounds of Disney’s Main Street Electrical Parade! (dun-duh!) At the same time up here in the hub, the 10 minute announcement is made. The crowd gets excited, and I…don’t. Now that we are close to the parade, foot traffic has picked up through my area since Guests are starting to be redirected around the route. Of course I love to remind people out loud of the fastest way to the exit, through the rose-garden, behind the popcorn cart, and around and through the bypass. From there they will be wisked away magically to the front of the park where they can happily hop a monorail and get out of the park reducing the crowds from the nice 50,000 to a slightly better 49,999. One less family with a crying child trying to find a spot to watch the parade at the absolute last minute. I see Tinkerbell’s head over the crowd slowly working her way towards me. Once she finally arrives, I can switch from my please keep moving, to a please keep moving, this is not a parade viewing area.

Over the past year, improvements equivalent to an extra E-ticket worth of capacity have been made at each of the parks. That’s why there have been so many refurbishments, especially at Magic Kingdom. Yet some people think that wait times are still too high and tend to blame FastPass for this. While I agree that yes, standby waits are longer due to it, average wait time is decreased.

Currently, FastPass, except on the 99 percentile days, is operating at a far lower ratio than designed at most attractions. If you visit on a design day or emptier, you shouldn’t really have any complaints about wait times and fastpass raising them. However, as soon as you cross the 80th percentile, you slip into damage control mode. Here, fastpass tends to be dialed up to it’s original ~85% of capacity in an attempt to minimize the number of people waiting in the long lines. On these days, you can definitely get an attraction done every two hours by properly using fastpass. Without it, while waits would be shorter than they are with it, they would still average over an hour, while design day targets an average wait of 20 minutes across priority attractions.
With Fastpass implemented, 85% of Guests don’t have to wait over 15 minutes. This actually lowers the average wait. Let’s look at a 90+ percentile day at Space Mountain.

Math:
85% of guests wait 15 minutes or less in the FP queue. 15% guests wait 120 minutes in standby.
(85*15+15*120)/100 = 30.
So the average wait for the attraction can still be 30 minutes on New Year’s Eve. I think that is definitely a positive thing. Without Fastpass, the 120 minute wait would have to go all the way down to 30 minutes to achieve the same average. With priority attractions, this is not going to happen, as per simple economics as cost goes down demand increases. It’s very rare even on empty days to see Space Mountain much lower than 30 minutes. So that’s why Disney considers Fastpass such a success, on busy days where the waits are already higher than acceptable per Guest satisfaction surveys, the average wait can be minimized giving as many guests as possible an excellent experience.

Now spectaculars and entertainment on beyond design days are an entirely different story.

3:29 – The waiting begins,  but this is not just any old regular waiting. This is paid waiting, with the small extra of having to deal with 15,000 incredibly well behaved human beings. Here at the Gazebo, it is up to me to keep 100 ft of walkway in two totally different directions with the added bonus of it being wrapped around a corner. In other words, it’s time to pace. I’m armed with the weapon of choice, the Blue Light Wand, which can instill movement into all but the most stubborn Guests. That…if…you just keep moving, just keep moving, life isn’t all that grim. It’s like the small child who can’t step on the cracks in the sidewalk because they are lava. Except in this case, if you stand on my line on the sidewalk I become your closest buddy until you are no longer on my line on the sidewalk. Only an hour and 44 to go. Right now it’s easy, only the curb is filled and I can direct Guests to nearby front row seating. I take advantage of a quiet moment to interact with the guests.

3:25 – I love overhearing Guest conversations. On a quiet day, I always get the family that realizes how good of a vacation date they chose. They thought ahead too. They have their small blanket on the curb, a child on it clapping and excited to see Custodial walk down the road in their bright costume. The Mom and Dad are sitting on either side of the child, pointing out shiny interesting things to them. They got to the parade route two hours early, so I take out the time to point out *my* favorite spot and make them feel like insiders. Unfortunately, there is a difference between Parents and parents.

Read Part 1.

3:45 – The meeting begins. I’m getting paid now to sit on a bench for 15 minutes and only have to pay attention to grab one small bit of information: my position for the day. Today’s coordinator and manager stand up front, saying nothing new or important, “don’t leave your position”, “make sure you know what you are doing”, “two way …. good ….. not like that disaster…”.

3:38 – They finally start running down the board. But first the old timers whine and bribe and claim they have to be escort today because they are tired. Except they were tired the day before and the day before that. The manager gives it to them for no reason. Backstage One, Two, Parade Escort One, Two, Firehouse VIP, Bridge VIP, Firehouse 1, 2, City Hall Disability 1,2, City Hall Crosswalk, 1, 2, one, two. Exposition Hall, Emporium One, Two, Pivot One, Two, Confectionery One, Two, Center Street East, Center Street West. Everyone listed so far breathes a sigh of relief, except Rick the poor trainer who has been stuck at City Hall Disability 1 for months with training groups. Next comes the most hellish section: Casey’s one, two, window, Ice Cream one, two, window. Those 6 brave souls groan, everyone else still sits patiently waiting to see how their day will be. Hub corner east, west, hub disability, hub crosswalk east, west, castle 1, 2, 3, (plus plugs and ropes), then castle crosswalk north 1, 2, castle crosswalk south 1, 2 and the ever awkward castle corner. Everyone named so far gets up and goes, grabbing the best light wands for the easiest jobs. But tonight is not just any night, it’s a 50k’er. We are staffed to the teeth, as close to new years as you can get, so the newbies are all remaining, waiting to hear what circle of hell they get assigned to.

3:35 – Here come the chutes. A captain for the west and east, plus as many spare bodies are available to help prod the cattle through. Exposition hall chutes are open tonight, this is where they stick the presentable bums. The bypass is coming out also, we have the joint bypass/expo chute captain who doesn’t actually work here, just scmoozes with the managers constantly. The unpresentable bums are stuffed in the dark bypass where they don’t have to speak, just have to stand there and point. I’ve still not been listed. That means they are saving me for the toughest spots, the ones that the regulars refuse to do but they know I am capable of. Hub Popcorn, bridge from hell east and west, Casey’s Hopeless redirect one and two, Exposition Hall two, Tomorrowland bridge, Fantasy bridge redirect, and the Gazebo. And of course, that is where I end up. Again. For the third night in a row. At least I’m good at it, but today they didn’t give me any backup. I talk to the manager and request more bodies, any bodies, and they say they will think about it. Which means no.

3:33 – I head down the stairs to the Parade Audience Control closet, grab two whole rolls of 3M Masking Tape, a blue light wand with dead batteries, and hang up my sanity.

End Act I.